i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
