actually, I'm a sock model
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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