at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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