angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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