Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
