She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
