i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
