The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
