and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
