things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
