I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
