This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
