i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
