If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
