Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
