That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
