mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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