i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
