Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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