I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
