Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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