what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
