Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
