Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
