The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
