You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
