So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
