Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
