I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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