They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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