Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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