i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
