We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sobbing to NWA
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
