oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
