whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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