Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
