Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
