He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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