in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
