While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
