you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
