so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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