all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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