white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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