Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
