DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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