I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
