if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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