im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
