just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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