you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
