i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
BRING THE BAGELS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
